| (no subject) |
[Sep. 15th, 2009|08:49 pm] |
| [ | Feeling... |
| | overwhelmed | ] |
| [ | Hearing... |
| | Radiohead | ] |
You know how you know something's wrong?
Your deadlines keep passing. You say you'll watch TV for an hour. But that hour never comes. You redefine the 'hour' until you're wasting away with technology, falling through space and there's no end. Nobody knows; those who know are too scared to confront you and it will never end. You give yourself a weekend to be lazy. That turns into the summer. Before you know it it's the second week of school and you're a complete internet addict. You don't even feel bad about it anymore. Come home, computer, shower, go to bed. You only get up to pee and eat when you feel yourself about to faint. I've accepted it...my life has become nothing and I am too nihilistic to be inspired or anything. I keep waiting. WAITING for something that will never come...I'm scared, deep down. I know there's a person deep within me, SCREAMING to me that I could die any second...but I ignore her. What if this entire school year is a joke? Not because I get out after sixth period, but because I LIVE IN DENIAL THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE THING?
I am too tired for any of this. |
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| Birthday-eth |
[Jul. 25th, 2009|01:36 am] |
| [ | Feeling... |
| | ugh | ] |
| [ | Hearing... |
| | "Exit Music (For a Film)" by Radiohead | ] |
So, my LiveJournal is 5 years old today...happy birthday, my only surviving baby. |
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| Death. |
[Jul. 13th, 2009|03:27 am] |
| [ | Feeling... |
| |  thirsty | ] |
| [ | Hearing... |
| | RADIOHEAD. | ] |
Everything dies. EVERYTHING FUCKING DIES. Love dies. Love you once believed so strongly in. Love that once overtook you with power. Love that changed you, gave you an identity. Love that BECAME your identity. It dies. You make that love your everything and it dies, leaving you with nothing. The world is new to you. You just woke up on the street of a foreign country. You're too old to deal with this. Fuck it. Shower with a knife, just in case.
People die. They say to live your life to the fullest, but honestly, it doesn't make a fucking difference. When you're dead, you're dead. I don't even know what death is. I don't know what life is. I just woke up on the street of a foreign country. Everyone hates me and I don't know why. I don't know what they're asking of me; I can't understand them. It hurts. It hurts my brain. I shower with a knife just in case. |
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| Yay! |
[Jul. 4th, 2009|12:25 pm] |
| [ | Feeling... |
| |  excited | ] |
| [ | Hearing... |
| | Daniel Bedingfield lol | ] |
HAPPY 4TH OF JULY EVERYONE!!!
I'm going to see Conor Oberst today ^.^ |
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| In an instant, I remembered everything. |
[Jul. 2nd, 2009|04:37 am] |
| [ | Feeling... |
| | improved | ] |
| [ | Hearing... |
| | The Cure<3 | ] |
I didn't write today because I didn't need to.
I ended up having a nice day.
It was nice.
This is pathetic; I apologize.
But I just had to say it.
A much more detailed entry shall follow this, for LJ deserves it.
LJ > all.
Goodnight.
*Edit* I didn't want to waste an entry. I was never one to do that. =)
So I guess the highlights of my day were getting to sleep late, the blue flip flops that miraculously appeared just in time, Liza buying me water, Ivy being able to afford the shirt she wanted, and emptying out my dresser with Ivy.
Seriously, though...it was like I woke up magically better. With so many of my compulsions just - gone. I was content walking around, being a human. Time moves. Time is always moving, and so am I. I liked it. Had a bit more sense of myself...a sense of calm, almost. And I RELAXED. I sat at the computer and LIKED the music I was listening to and was actually IN THE MOMENT. I was able to look at haunting pictures with a DISTANCE. Able to look at this whole mess from a distance. And honestly, from a distance, things are always cooler-looking. :D Funner to analyze, I should say. Interesting.
Yes...so. Words can not express how grateful I am for this summer. This new start. This rebirth that is so different from every rebirth I have ever felt. It's not invigoration that lasts a day, or declaring a new start because I hate myself and want nothing to do with the "old me". This is a rebirth in that I'm as confused and clueless as a newborn baby. I have to relearn how to read, how to talk, what my interests are, who my friends are...and I think something positive can come from this. There's such a sense of freedom that comes with summer...
Every other summer, I've set impossible goals for myself. "I'm gonna lose 20 pounds by September. I'm gonna go out every single day this summer. I'm gonna have a life. I'm gonna write a book. A screenplay. Etc etc etc." But my goals this summer? Honestly, I want nothing more than to sleep, hang out with people...to just BE. Peacefully. I don't want much, and maybe, for once, I won't be disappointed. |
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| "We like coffee and clothes and pictures." |
[Jun. 30th, 2009|11:19 pm] |
| [ | Feeling... |
| | thirsty | ] |
| [ | Hearing... |
| | "Tired of 'Me'" by Live | ] |
I just realized that I always have the ability to see deeper into a person...I guess I'm insightful. I see that the "shallow" girl is really just devoting herself to material items and her appearance because she's scared terrified of real life, real problems. If she's pretty, people will accept that and move on. No one will try to dig deeper. No one will bother her...she can be alone. She can fill the air with talk of skirts and make-up so she won't have to talk about her family problems and the disorders she's hiding...I see that the proud person - the girl who boldly announces her every opinion and is admired for it - is really trying to convince herself that she's secure.
I guess I am insightful...there's one thing I can be proud of. There's the only thing I can be proud of. |
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| A masochistic lamb to slaughter. |
[Jun. 30th, 2009|12:06 am] |
| [ | Feeling... |
| | Void | ] |
| [ | Hearing... |
| | Void | ] |
I wonder if anyone has ever felt the same pain that I feel. I wonder if anyone else is showering three times a day, pulling enough hair out of their head to make wigs for at least ten Barbies. I wonder if anyone else looks at the tangles of dyed black hair in their hand and is only reminded of the past. Reminded of how my hair used to be this giant mass of individuality. Of health. And now it's this...shit. That's what it is, it's shit. I wonder if anyone else is in denial...if anyone else sees the past as the only way out. Watching a certain show in a certain pair of pajama pants, on a certain day, sitting on the couch a certain way because they did that once when they were twelve. And oh god do they wish they were twelve...the comfort of knowing everything's possible. Of knowing you have TIME. And now time flashes by so rapidly I don't even see it. I don't see anything. I'm pathetic, craving attention and making others cater to me. I am hollow and seethrough. I am not what I used to be...I am nothing. I have the nerve to sit on my therapist's couch and blame my problems on some girl who is out living her life and I'm not. WAAH, I'M AVOIDING LIFE BECAUSE SOME GIRL HURT ME oh grow the fuck up. I see now that I am only avoiding myself. What a waste of LIFE I am. I will never be happy. I set these goals, I await these events, thinking they are the key to happiness and they're not. I lost almost seventy pounds and I hate myself more than ever. No, I don't even hate myself. I don't FEEL. I don't cry. Part of the reason I hope nobody in my family dies soon is that I know I won't be able to cry, and that will KILL ME. God, WHY AM I SO FUCKING SELFISH? I don't get it. I'm selfish but I don't even think about myself...I just want to be someone else so bad because I can't stand being this UNSTABLE. I have become the type of mind I used to want to STUDY. God, I can't face the future. It seems so distant. So surreal. Everything. Feels. So. Fucking. Surreal. I HAVE BECOME EVERYTHING THE REAL ME DESPISED. I AM PRACTICAL. VAIN. MEAN. A WASTE. I WASTE THINGS, I AM A WASTE, I AM NOTHING. WHAT KILLS ME MORE IS THAT WHEN I AM "NOTHING", I'M STILL MORE THAN THE AVERAGE HUMAN. I DON'T SLEEP AND LOOK LIKE A MESS BUT STILL PEOPLE COMPLIMENT ME. IT KILLS ME EVEN MORE. IMAGINE WHAT I COULD BE IF I TRIED? I COULD TAKE OVER THE WORLD...BUT NO, I DON'T. I'M SO FUCKING SELFISH. I CAN'T EVEN LISTEN TO MUSIC ANYMORE...DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO NOT BE ABLE TO LISTEN TO MUSIC ANYMORE? TO GO FROM BEING THIS GENIUS, THIS MASTERMIND, TO...I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT TO CALL MYSELF.
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| I hate Physics. |
[Jun. 24th, 2009|12:02 am] |
| [ | Feeling... |
| |  dirty | ] |
| [ | Hearing... |
| | "Bad Boyfriend" - Garbage | ] |
I'm all over the place; I want to disappear into spiral notebooks and the internet. |
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| The return of saturn, assessing my life, second guessing. |
[Jun. 20th, 2009|08:54 pm] |
| [ | Feeling... |
| | eh | ] |
| [ | Hearing... |
| | "Idioteque" by Radiohead | ] |
Ah. Well, I feel like watching TV tonight, surprisingly. But I've been meaning to update, so I'll do that now.
Today was Matt's Bar Mitzvah, and it was pretty snazzy. I had to wake up at 7, but I kept pulling my typical schoolyear-esque "I'm getting up in three minutes!!" Which I somehow always manage to do, even though I'm sleeping...BUT ANYWAY. I didn't pick out my outfit the night before, because I was too tired from doing nothing. I was debating between my new green baggy capris and my blue floral skirt. I chose the skirt, wore the same jewelry I wore to the city during Spring Break, kept my hair down and did my make-up 60's-ish by accident. Yay. I was going to drink Monster, but I didn't want to crash...the car ride there was lovely, as I was listening to Return of Saturn (which I associate with Matt's birthday for some reason) and related to it in ways I NEVER have. I love that...how through difficult times, old music resonates with you in new ways. Let's just say the goosebumps on my legs weren't just from the June gloom...when we got there, the building was even more freezing then it was outside. It didn't matter, though, cuz it was nice to see everyone. I hadn't seen Sammi in FOREVER, and she looked and smelled gorgeous :D Haha, my parents were outside for awhile canceling their "Waiting for Godot" tickets...Anyway, the room in which the service was held was really cool architecturally. It looked like we were inside a kaleidoscope and the ceiling had a really awesome design. If you stared at it for too long, it looked like it was falling. Ivy noticed that. Anyway, the service was really nice, even though my dad and I kept confusing the books. Oopsies...we figured it out though. And Ivy and I had dancing pinkies...the reception was right after, and Katy didn't know it was literally in the next room. Haha. Anyway, there were dark chocolate bars (!!!) with our names on it to tell us where to sit. We were at Table 10. So we went there. With a bunch of people we didn't know. It was only slightly awkward...sure, why not. The food table contained giant baskets of bagels, a friggin' FISH lying on the table, sliced up, some weird roll things and salad stuffs. I took a plain bagel and stole the first knife I saw and smothered it with a giant glob of cream cheese. I was going to take regular cheese, too, but it's probably good I didn't, cuz I somehow have high cholesterol. I was envious of Ivy's POTATO BAGEL. Katy just filled her plate up with everything she saw. Lmao. I wish I LOOKED more before I took everything. I must have changed my drink like four times, not including the time I made my mom make me coffee...it was so espresso-y. Anyway, while we were trying to eat our bagels, the DJ kept yelling at us to stand up, clap and take pictures. I was scared we'd be called up to light a candle while we were chewing. Lmao. Anyway, we ate our bagels and chocolate and salads and weird roll things and such, signed Matt's autograph book, and watched people dance and be lifted into the air on chairs. That was entertaining. The time after that consisted of cake, Ivy TOUCHING ALL THE BROWNIES, privately knowing all the answers to the "hard" music questions, and standing outside with Daddy. CLOTHESPIN LEGS, CLOTHESPIN LEGS!! (In tune to hoot doooog friends, hot dog friends!) And no, 'clothespin' is not a term coined by mi madre...Of course, a party isn't complete without Ivy and I going into the bathroom to take weird pictures. We swung from the door and took fotografias of that...and laughed maniacally at the fact that when those pictures were turned sideways, we looked like flying superheroes. When people entered the bathroom, however, I lowered the camera and pretended to fix my glow stick hippie band. Some more pictures were taken...Ivy and I began doing odd dances in the corner, such as washing the windows to "Love Shack". My mom actually took candid pictures for once. Who woulda known?! I suppose pictures were the highlight of the event...but when are they not?
I'm actually a bit optimistic about what I was worried about. The past...I don't know, year or so, I've felt like every family gathering seems more and more rushed. Like every conversation is small talk, concerning the mundane - just facts. School, the weather, summer vacations. Sure, that's nice and all, but I missed having incredible conversations about dreams, cheeseballs, movie ideas, childhood, music videos...everything, really. I miss LAUGHING, to be honest. Ivy and I freaked out today when we saw my dad laughing, because we don't see him doing that much anymore. But then I realized that I don't remember the last time I laughed. I don't know which is worse: not crying or not laughing. Either way, something's building up inside me. I guess it's the disconnected feeling I've felt this entire time...which coincides with my feelings about family gatherings. It's not the CONVERSATIONS I just miss. It's that bond. That feeling that everything's possible...I don't know, I guess I feel that everyone is wrapped up in their own lives, which makes me feel worse about not even having a fucking life. Everyone's getting this over with so they can go back to their friends, their hobbies...all that good stuff I'm missing out on. And the fact that Matt turned thirteen...that's such a vivid age. Everything's felt so STRONGLY when you're thirteen. That's the only way to explain it. Every conversation leaves such an impression, and you have this SENSE of yourself. Even if it's a bad sense, it's there.
I don't know how to pull myself out of the disconnect, and it's scary. What am I waiting for? Who am I? It's just scary, is all...nothing makes sense anymore. It's scary to wake up in a body you don't know. In a life you don't know, Saying things you don't feel...not knowing what you feel. When what you WANT and what you think you SHOULD WANT feels like the same thing. Like you don't have a mind...just a manual, telling you what to do. I'm just scared, is all. And I suppose that's why I keep thinking about the past. I admire who I used to be; looking to the past reminds me that this body and this mind ARE capable of feeling and that they're just avoiding something. I just have to figure out WHAT IT IS. Throw me down a lifesaver or something, someone, please. GAH.
Oh, and I hope returning to my habit of describing my days in great detail will help bring back my memory... |
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| Dunananananaaaaaaa |
[Jun. 18th, 2009|07:31 pm] |
| [ | Hearing... |
| | Buncha stuffz | ] |
Well I guess today could be considered the epitome of a summer day. Waking up late, Ivy making a tombstone, watching TV, not bothering to get changed...and I love it. I absolutely love it :D
Just hadda say that.
I'll be back.
xx
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| Procrastinatinggg |
[Jun. 14th, 2009|12:40 am] |
| [ | Feeling... |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | Hearing... |
| | Alive: The Playlist and some beautiful acoustic version of Medication | ] |
Wow. So I've procrastinated writing this entry (wow, I just wrote 'essay') for quite awhile now. But I promised this entry, so here she is.
I've gotta get used to LJing again. It's summer; this is the way it belongs. Perhaps summer hasn't sunken in yet...for obvious reasons. The last day of school was YESTERDAY. Actually, I have school on Monday, I just don't count that as school. And the fact that I have four Regents over the next two weeks and SATs to study for over the summer. Oh FUCKING shoot me. This "last day of school" business has got me really nostalgic, like I said. And a random flashback just came into my head of a certain list Nicole and I made during the last days of 8th grade. Twas a list of stuff we wanted to accomplish in high school, and I'mma go retrieve that right now..
Okay, I erased Nicole's and kept mine:Make new friendsNot be fat - Get a life / get off the computer
Write Take cool classes & stuff- Learn how to play the guitar
Get new hairstyle Actually raise my hand in school- Teach Nicole to continue spelling Haley's name correctly
Go to a concert - Have the time of my life
Hmm. Well, it seems I had some shallow goals, some deep ones, some finished ones, some unfinished ones...nothing shocking.
SO. About today. I'm going to try to write this as descriptively as I used to. I woke up to the sound of my phone vibrating repeatedly. Surprisingly, 'twas not Twitter - I had forgotten to take my phone off vibrate. I realized what it was, but didn't have the energy to open the phone and press 'Dismiss.' Of course, though, I eventually had to get up, for I often find myself plagued with dehydration, the desire to urinate and an awful taste in my mouth. I could only go back to sleep after this routine for a few minutes, though, for I had to wake up to do my hair before we went into la ciudad to shop for Ivy's prom dress. I ate some hashbrowns, did my hair, changed my outfit twice until I decided I wanted to clip my hair back and wear my black tanktop, vest, the jewelry my mom gave me the day she dressed me, my previously unworn light jeans and my too-tight Converse. Eventually, at a surprisingly normal time, we left for the giant Macy's. Someone took me and Ivy's favorite seat on the bus. I was briefly mad about that. And twattered it. Anyway, Macy's started OFF splendid. We marveled at the old wooden escalators, randomly ate pizza on the fourth floor and then found some great dresses and took pictures while someone coughed weirdly in the dressing room next to us. I really fancied that Bo Peep-esque dress by Betsey Johnson...But then Ivy and my mom got into a series of arguments. Beginning because my mom wouldn't buy Ivy a dress because of its price. The fighting just took off from there...I didn't mind that we left, though. I believe that it was Ivy's day; it's her party and she could cry if she wanted to. I brought my Nylon but didn't get the chance to read it...when we were driving on Hylan, my mom took a seemingly random turn, claiming she "needed gas". I knew immediately that she was taking Ivy to the Woodbridge mall whether she liked it or not. I didn't mind going for a longer drive, for I was listening to Bright Eyes and didn't want to stop. Ivy didn't see anything in any of the stores...but I splurged in H&M. What else is new? I noticed I do this weird thing...I buy something that I like but isn't exactly perfect. Later on, I'll buy it AGAIN - except a better version. It's such a waste. But ANYWAY, I did buy some cool stuff. This dress thing I forgot what it looks like, a black and white striped tank top, black shorts, and a sleeveless black hoodie :D I'm happy with that.
GOD I am so glad it's summer. I can't wait to wear that stuff and not have to wear it to school. But in a weird way, I'm happy I have ONE last day of my mom driving me to school...I don't know. There's just something about it. Honestly, if I were sent to hell and back, I'd probably end up reminiscing over it.
BUT ANYWAY. We bought a pound of fudge (yay!) and Ivy got a pepperoni pretzel...this was BEFORE we went to Pizza Hut. There were mixed emotions going on in Pizza Hut, but Ivy and I switched places - I was warm, not tired and wasn't full. She was cold, exhausted and stuffed. THAT NEVER HAPPENS. It was pretty interesting...I'm feeling really good lately. Lately meaning today...and I hope it just gets better. But when I SAY things like that - when I mention hope, even think briefly of the future, I just want to hide. WHAT DO I WANT THIS SUMMER? HONESTLY? I want to stay up late online making up sexual scenarios with Jeffrey. I want to write on my LJ. I want to sit in my air conditioned room and read magazines and write in my journals. I want to read books. Even that scares me a little...I want to scrapbook. Just LITTLE things. To relearn how to live, you know?
I feel like I need as many outlets as possible, and I'm aware this LJ entry seemed a little...rushed. I think for now, because I'm a) required to write and b) nervous about who may be reading this, LJ for now is just going to be about my actual life, my purple plaid notebook is going to be for my negative feelings and what I'm required to write, and the beautiful little diary my mommy bought me is going to be for poetry and anything creative that crosses my mind :)
Sounds like a good enough plan to me.
Goodnight, LiveJournal. 1:28 AM is nothing compared to the records I will set this summer :D |
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| Relearning... |
[Jun. 13th, 2009|12:44 am] |
I've got Craig on in the background. But let's face it, concentrating isn't exactly my specialty right now.
I don't understand why I am so different. I don't understand why "Paint It Black" by the Rolling Stones makes me envision the gruesome relevance of the play "Rhinoceros" by Eugene Ionesco. Not that the song has anything to do with that...it's just this thing. There are several songs which will forever remind me of my mother driving me to school in the freezing cold of June, while I was completely out of it and had a bag of four waterbottles by my Doc Martened feet. I don't know why I felt like I had no soul when I left school early on my last day of it. I know it's obvious a teenager would want to leave school...but I was always a little more sentimental than that. Nostalgic, anyway.
And today proves it. I'm so FUCKING nostalgic lately. Gazing at pictures from 2006. Listening to SWR. Reading old IMs. Going to AC Moore and buying scrapbook supplies. I miss 2006...
But you know, I have every right to be nostalgic, especially after the past three months. I need to remind myself my life was at least ONCE worth something...and hey, maybe it's not nostalgia. Maybe it's tradition. And if there's one thing I believe firmly in, it's tradition. Which is why the end of the school year automatically sent me trotting over to LJ. And that's why I am leaving after third period on Monday to go to Bloomingdale Park and Panera.
God, I'm going to miss Latin so much.
I can't wait to fully get my life back...
I shall scurry off to bed now, for tomorrow includes an early rise (10 AM is early for me) and a shopping trip to la ciudad. Tomorrow you will get a biiiig juicy update, for you are my LiveJournal, my baby and I love you. |
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| Reunion? |
[Jun. 12th, 2009|11:19 pm] |
| [ | Feeling... |
| |  nostalgic | ] |
| [ | Hearing... |
| | "Green Fingers" - Siouxsie and the Banshees | ] |
'Tis the last day of school. And do you know what that means, sweet LiveJournal of mine? That it's extreeeeemely close to being summer. Which means reverting to a nocturnal state...
I'll be seeing you soon, LJ<3
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| Lalala. |
[Apr. 19th, 2009|07:23 pm] |
| [ | Feeling... |
| | eager | ] |
| [ | Hearing... |
| | Eight Arms To Hold You. | ] |
There is something so beautiful about the fact that the screen window on the door is up. The porch door was open before, and I'm not wearing a jacket. I'm hungry for change, and listening to Veruca Salt.
And it's beautiful.
I hate to admit that I thrive in times of emotional upheaval, but my life started last night. Thursday and (mostly) Friday were good days...but I was still being eaten alive; my mind still under control. I cried for the first time since September last night. It wasn't much, but it felt so fucking good...like stuff finally started to make SOME kind of sense. By the time I was really crying, it felt like the true me was kicking down some horrible force, some horrible wall with disgusting fake morals written all over it. And I ran home...for the first time since I was 13. The last time I truly felt alive, truly felt pride, truly was strong. Bruce wouldn't go away at first, but I am trying, I'm trying so fucking hard. And today. Today my soul rules. My soul rules all. It's really hard to think of things logically...but I am. I'm TRYING because this is my life and even if most of the time I don't feel it's worth living, I know it's because some horrible monster is stopping me.
You know what I need? I need to bring back my belief in the power of tomorrow. |
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| Apparently... |
[Jan. 11th, 2009|07:18 pm] |
| [ | Feeling... |
| | procrastinating | ] |
| [ | Hearing... |
| | "Dog New Tricks" - Garbage | ] |
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| Falalalalalalalala. Season's stayin' alive :D |
[Dec. 28th, 2008|01:40 pm] |
| [ | Feeling... |
| | dirty | ] |
| [ | Hearing... |
| | "Wonderwall" by Oasis | ] |
I've been meaning to write since the beginning of December.
I didn't.
Of course.
But here I am now, writing...
I obviously don't remember every detail going back to the beginning of December, but I'll start with last week. Monday, December 22nd was fucking freezing. Thank God I had my Doc Martens already because I would have FROZE TO DEATH in any other shoes...I was at the bus stop, and because I believed I was alone, I started shrieking "Oh my god, what the fuck, oh my god, what the fuck, oh my god, what the fuck" only to turn around and see some kid staring at me. I WALKED down Luten to get to school and yep yep. I don't remember the school day...but after la escuela I went to the mall with Jonathan, Amanda and Regina to do some last minute Christmas shopping. We were "knocking out those stores like whoa". Haha. We did get a lot done...and I bought Jonathan a donut for Christmas :D We had to go to TWO DIFFERENT DUNKIN DONUTS. But that's not necessarily a bad thing because the first one had better donuts and the second one had gift cards...The next day was my birthday :D I wore the same thing I wore that Saturday. Jonathan and Amanda brought me balloons and drove me to school. I documented Jonathan getting McDonald's drive-through...and once I got to school I was petrified to get out. It wasn't so bad. In math Ms. Heumann helped me tie keys to my balloons...we were supposed to do a sheet but we exchanged presents instead :D And I like what people gave me...In Latin, we gave out more presents and Kelly and I went to go see Nicole's mom. In AP US we did nothing and people from other classes decided to visit ours. English we had a sub, of course. And we read Ashley's astrology book...Physics was the best, for a party was thrown in honor of Sir Isaac Newton and I. This period invovled devouring enormous towers of oreos...and people forgetting my birthday. But it's all good. Claire and Ariana came into health and we took pictures while Kelly versed Dr. Schwartzberg in chess...I went home after that, sorted through my presents, and waited for Claire to call me about the mall :D Wellllll we decided to meet in front of H&M at 4:00 PM so I left for the bus and had to listen to some lady shriek at the bus driver over where certain streets were on the way there. I met Claire there after she bought a shirt for her dad and we strolled around until Kim came. We went to Johnny Rockets and had a Christmassy diner experience :DDDDDDDDDD I was being weird, talking to the waiter about his good memory. Only one employee got into Stayin' Alive...we liked him, baha...We wandered around and ended up in Borders, where we were freaked out by the book Stuff White People Like because it pertained so much to us that we were left feeling like we had no identities and I started brainstorming for unique interests I may have had. My mom drove Claire and I home...AAAAAnyway, the next day was Christmas Eve and I didn't wake up til 3 PM (I woke up at 6 PM the Sunday before...). I got dressed and Liza and Vicky came over to bake cookies and get ourselves in the Christmas mood, despite their Judaism. We baked Toll House cookies, listened to Christmas music, watched A Christmas Story, and Santa Claus Is Coming To Town. It was so fucking adorable<333 Liza gave me a Christmas necklace and bracelets :D Eventually they left and the next day was...CHRISTMAS :DDDDDDDDDDD I woke up at around 8:30 to open presents. We reveled in our presents a bit until Uncle Lance, Matt and Aunt Kim came over around 4. We consumed a plethora of pigs in a blanket and Italian food...oh, and cookies. Ivy and I kept saying things like "Schweppes...such a good aunt" and scaring Matt. XD We watched Home Alone and I wrote in the Cranium book Aunt Kim gave me. Haha :DD The next day...what did I do the next day?! Oh, Ivy and I curled our hair because both of our straighteners broke and we went to see Grandma. I brought her my little present (a little gray stuffed cat with a bag of Hershey kisses). She was funny. She wouldn't eat her dinner but couldn't get enough of the Hershey kisses. Heh...that day was a rebirth for no reason. I FELT music in the car...God, I felt Garbage, and I thought there was no hope in me reviving their music. Well there is, and it came unexpectedly. It was just a good day. Later on, I went to see Yes Man with Ivy, Liza, Vicky, and Anissa. It was sooooooooooooooooo inspiring :DDD I always wondered how different my life would be if I would just say YES to opportunities, and that movie illustrated it perfectly for me. See? I almost didn't say 'yes' to going to the movies, but I did, and I ended up inspired instead of sulking. Well the next day was Saturday, December 27th and we went to Bill and Mary Ann's for their Christmas party (an annual, sometimes biannual gathering). We hung out with Katy, eating chips, laughing at our family members saying "weiner", someone throwing a squacking chicken around, and Aunt Beth abruptly screaming "SHARK!! SHARK!!!!!" and making rigid vertical jerks with her arms. After Katy left, we hung out with Patrick and Matt, playing songs off of our playlists and making the others guess what they were. It was fun. Before we left, I made a cookie platter to take home and scared people because I didn't want bread. O.o It disappoints me that every family gathering seems more and more rushed, but next Saturday is my family birthday party, the last gathering of the season and I will make damn sure that it's spent with inside jokes, pictures, videos, and fucking weirdness :DDDDDDDD |
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| Tomorrow's December! |
[Nov. 30th, 2008|08:46 pm] |
| [ | Feeling... |
| | optimistic | ] |
| [ | Hearing... |
| | "O Valencia!" by The Decemberists | ] |
I want to be on vacation right now, which is unexpected and slightly odd...I wish I had a real diary, but until then...
So this has been quite a weekend. On Wednesday I went to see the Medic Droid with Jonathan, Amanda and Alexandra. There were threats of a terrorist attack, and we kept seeing pessimistic omens, but we decided to go anyway. As you can see, I'm alive! Well the concert itself was awesome, except for when the Medic Droid got kicked out early because the show ran over. But twas all grand for we met up with Chris and Hector after the show, took pictures and watched Chris angrily throw his stuff into the street...and we flipped off Blender theater! w00tness. Thursday was Thanksgiving, which was lovely and delicious. It was truly a beautiful day<33. HAHAHA. FRIDAY...Ivy and I woke up at 4:30 AM to hit the Black Friday sales with Jonathan and Amanda. It was so fucking awesome to be there that early. I almost got a Nirvana and an Oasis shirt, but I decided I would rather buy a bunch of little cheap stuff. I got a striped shirt from H&M, gold star earrings, hair clips, and Nylon. There was a huge line to get into Best Buy, so I think we went to some other stores (I barely even remember that morning), including Target. They had some sales on DVDs...they sold two DVDs in packages, but for every one I wanted, it came with something I didn't want/never heard of. Haha. So I left emptyhanded. A beautiful moment was all of us lowly singing Underneath It All when it came on the radio...I love intangible moments that don't hurt. When Ivy and I returned to our casa, we watched Maury and she fell asleep. I went online and read an R.L. Stine book. Funny how your 7th grade favorite author can seem so mediocre now...At around 6, we went back out to the mall and Kmart and Best Buy. I threw a hissy fit because I couldn't decide between In Utero and Day & Age. To me, it was between the comfort of the past and the inspiration of the future...Nobody "helped" me so I left. Kmart didn't have the "pellow" at a good price. So we got Alexandra and drove around and I got White Castle. I crashed when I got home...and woke up at 4:30 PM on Satuday. Haha. Two hours after I awoke I went to the mall with Ariana, where we met up with a mob. I saw Ariana's mom!! Baha...so the mall was pretty satisfactory. Today was spent with my mom going to buy things for my SING costume and apologizing to my friends. Which made me slightly optimistic in general.
Now to go read The Crucible (I didn't actually read it) and sleep :D |
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